So you’re engaged part 3…

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The guest list…

Oh the guest list…

It’s the part of wedding planning that I hear couples agonise over most.   It’s one of the most important days of your life so you want to invite everyone who’s important right?   Some of it’s easy like close family and friends.

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And then it gets tricky…

Children…?

Relatives you haven’t seen for a while…?

Relatives you’ve never met…?

The new other half of your best friend…?

The person who invited you to their wedding…?

Friends of your parents…?

There’s no getting round it, most guest lists are difficult.   There are so many people to please.   Try to find a way to accept that it will be hard (make that impossible) to please everyone.   It cannot be done.   So the only thing you can do is try to manage the list with grace and kindness.

You may need to make some phone calls to explain that numbers are restricted.   Maybe someone in the family can make that call for you to explain on your behalf.   Maybe it doesn’t need explaining?   Be clear on your invites about children and other halfs.

The two people that need to be happy (or as happy as possible) about the guest list are the two of you.   If one of you is compromising try not to be resentful about it.   If you feel resentful, that’s a sign the compromise is not working for you so maybe have a re-think and try and come up with a creative way that means you’re both truly on board with the decision.

People talk about the stress of wedding planning and what’s the point of all the stress for one day.   But I think it’s more important than that.   Wedding planning is a microcosm for who you are as people, how you handle difficult situations, negotiate personal relationships, work as a team with your partner and your wider family, how you keep people happy, how you stand your ground and assert yourself.   This is not just a guest list, this is about who the two of you are as people and how you will go into your future together.

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So take a deep breath, draw on those reserves of grace and kindness and get planning!