You’re eloping
So you’re looking to elope. Hello! You’re in the right place, we love elopement weddings here.
For some couples deciding to elope is easy. It’s what they’ve always wanted or the thought of a big wedding fills them with dread, the cost of a big wedding is off putting, they’re very private people.
Some couples start down the road of a big wedding and then it keeps getting bigger and more out of control so they end up re-thinking and get in touch with us.
Whatever the reason you’re choosing an elopement, we’re here for it. We think it’s a great choice – obvs.
So you made your decision – you’re eloping, yay! You find and book your venue – double yay! If you chose us for your elopement, you get another yay from us.
But then, yikes, how do you tell people you’re eloping? Do you invite them to the wedding? With us you can invite between 6-10 people depending on the month. So that might sort some of your friends & fam?
When do you tell family & friends you’re eloping?
Do you tell them before you get married?
Do you tell them on the day?
Do you have a party afterwards and tell them it’s already done?
What to do?
All I can tell you is I’ve seen couples do all of the above, tell them before, tell them on the day and tell them afterwards.
What’s the best way? Well it’s whatever works for you but as you wrestle with the question, I would issue some notes of caution based on what I’ve witnessed over the years with couples telling family & friends that yes, they’re getting married and no, it may not be the wedding their family had in mind for them.
Telling them beforehand
You can tell family & friends before you get married that you’re eloping. Maybe some of them are coming to the wedding. Maybe that solves some of the issues for you.
But some people even if they’re invited to your wedding will still let you know it’s not the wedding they want for you. Ugh. It’s nice(ish) for people to be so invested in your life but that’s the thing, it’s your life.
If you give people a lot of notice, it gives them space to get their heads round the idea and get used to it, maybe even really understand it. Which can be a good thing.
OTOH if you give them plenty of notice you’re getting married and they don’t wrap their heads round it, it just gives them more time to well, make your life more difficult about it. Not a good thing.
So whether you invite some guests or none, you need to decide whether more notice or less notice will make your life easier.
You might be happy to tell people where you’re getting married and I sometimes get cards and gifts delivered here from family & friends (F&F) addressed to couples getting married here. I’m happy to deliver those and they can add to the joy on the day.
An extra word of caution here – sometimes gifts, cards and message are not welcome. So if you need to check on cards and gifts delivered here just let me know and I can either keep them from you (if you want), give them to you when you leave the next day or you can check them before deciding whether you want them. If you need me to be a gatekeeper from you, I’m happy to do that – just ask, you don’t need to explain a thing.
So whether you’re offending everyone equally by not having any guests or just offending most people by only having a few guests, telling people beforehand might be the best option for you.
Telling them on the day
I’ve seen quite a few couples tell F&F on the day, with facetime or similar. That can be great, you’re all dressed up, looking your best selves, it’s a good time to make a big announcement right? Well it can be.
I’ve seen it really make some couples day when they get in touch with F&F on the day to give them the happy news. And if they’re happy for you, that’s all great and it can really add to the celebratory feel of the day.
But if your surprise news comes as a shock and not in a good way, I really don’t want F&F to put a dampner on your beautiful day. So only choose this option IF and only WITH people you’re super confident are going to be happy for you.
Not everyone copes well with surprises, even fabulous surprises like the two of you getting married. You know your people best, can they cope? How will it affect your day if they don’t?
If you’re expecting a less than stellar reaction as a possibility and you’ll be good with it if it happens, maybe you want to do that. Hearing shrieks of delight from couples on a call lets me know they got a good response and I’m always thrilled for them.
Telling them at the afterparty
Lots of couples choose to have a party after their official elopement wedding. Sometimes something low key, sometimes going all out with caterered food, live music, the whole 9 yards. It’s another excuse to rock your wedding outfits.
Whether you tell people in advance that it’s a wedding afterparty or whether you announce at the party that it’s a done deal, is up to you. I know couples who’ve got all the guests in place and been announced in with projected official pics from the wedding. Whatever works for you.
Would your F&F be ok with a surprise public announcement where they may not have chance to arrange their face? Or would a public announcement dilute their response and make it manageable because they don’t want to overreact in front of other people. Again, you know your people and how they might respond.
Sometimes we get asked not to share our on-the-day pics of a couple because they want to keep the news a complete surprise and we’re always happy to keep schtum til we’re given the green light to share.
What’s your announcement plan?
Maybe you’re super lucky and your F&F will be happy for you both whatever you tell them and whenever you tell them and whether you invite them or you don’t. If so, I’m really happy for you.
But maybe you don’t have that kind of family and that’s why you’re reading this post trying to figure it out. Maybe focus on keeping your own stress levels down but try not to overthink it and definitely try not to worry about it.
The important thing is you’re getting married and the two of you are happy about it. Job done.
Are you booked?
If you’re already booked with us, I’m more than happy to talk through any worries you’ve got about how and when to tell people.
If you’re not already booked with us then let’s get you moving.
Check the dates on our availability calendar.
And once you’ve found a date to suit you, email me at [email protected] to reserve it and I’ll take you through the next stage, it’s super easy.
All photo credits to Clare Kinchin
Oh and just to be clear, none of the pics on this post have anything to do with the subject matter. I deliberately didn’t use any pics where I remember particular difficulties – they are all happy, problem free pics…
